so blessed to be able to give party packs

hello everyone! it is 10.56 in the morning and i have been awake for almost 3 hours now. yesterday i woke at 11.30 am so i went to bed early but couldnt sleep till two.

yesterday i completed my sembo model of the apple office. look 

THERE IT IS! i will upload a montage of the process of making it on my youtube channel later. it's pretty cool.

this morning i woke up to a really gloomy sky and it kinda made me sad a bit so i forced myself to think happy thoughts! 

i recalled when i was 5 years old and i was in kindergarden. i had a party in class and it was epic all thanks to my mom and dad. they are the best! i had a finding nemo square cake and i wore a pretty dress. i remember the assembly line we made a few days before my party, packing up really fun party packs. i really had a blast making them. now i wasnt the most generous kid but it made me happy to pack those gifts. 

for some reason this line popped into my thoughts: 'it is much more blessed to give than to receive. that means you are a blessed child'.

it made me really happy to think about so i searched the verse and it's from Acts 20:35(In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.' 

so now i will try my hardest to not be so materialistic and expect things from strangers and also to be more generous and kind! 

yeah! cools!! so i have to get back to editing my video so see you guys later!

life lessons

hey everyone! it is 11.16 pm on a monday night and im online. yesterday night something happened to me. i was sick. my chest hurt, my face felt numb and i was all weak. i expected a long night ahead. so i prayed for 1)God to tell me why am i hurting and 2)for God to take away the hurt. i even did the steps loren cunningham's book(is that really You God?) said to do if you want to hear His voice. if i recall correctly, he said to 1) pray against any interruption from the enemy 2)pray to remove any selfish thoughts for bias towards any answer and 3)i dont know but i know there were 3 steps.
i waited. until i fell asleep.
i woke to an early moring this morning. it was 6am or something and i woke up with a really upbeat attitude. i didnt feel the pain from last night. i just felt really really happy. i didnt even recall last nights pain until just a while ago.
im also really grateful because to day i got to start a new sembo set. this time its a 1116 piece, multi storey apple building. im really excited to show you guys tomorrow!
it came in a really big box and i like opening big boxes. i even thought of getting a p.o. box for the fun of it. my dad used to have 2 p.o. boxes and it was really elite-cool.
i guess this is just to update you guys that im healing. also to give you guys some tips on how to take care of a grieving person.
1. you DO NOT relentlessly bring it up. see the fastest way of healing is to forget and how is she to do that if it is constantly brought up.
2. give them enough time. so some people take longer than others to get their life back on track. and it isnt fair if she is rushed.
3. dont tell them how difficult theyre being. again no one can comprehend the magnitude of their grief so if that person is being difficult, imagine this, you lost a million bucks and feel sad and go depressed for a bit but people scream at you to stop being sad, wouldnt that make you more sad.
4. be kind and compassionate.
im really young. like im only 10 years old. you guys probably didnt know that but yeah im only 10. sometimes you feel like yelling at the world who judges you, but remember that you dont have to agree with what your haters say. i know who i am and i am so freaking awesome that people get jealous. that is to be understood. people just cant accept the fact that they arent me and lash out. so im giving you guys a chance to make it up to me. if you feel like you have wronged me in the past or anything. send me an apology to my email and i will give you forgiveness.

how do i express myself

i can boldly say that i have never experienced heartache like i did yesterday. i'm getting over it in my own time but it's going to be a while. last night i had a rough night. i couldnt sleep, couldnt breathe. i felt so much hurt and physical pain in my chest. i didnt know how to let it out. i would smash something if i could but i dont do that sort of thing. i desperately wanted to scream but where could i do that without getting yelled at or judged. i wanted to cry but i was way to dehydrated to cry. it even hurt to drink. im not being over melodramatic or something. i tried doing other things: a crossword, some biology and i would immerse myself with that till i felt calm but when i tried to sleep i felt so much pain again. why? why did it have to happen to me?! why not some snotty kid who nobody likes? i cried plenty by myself yesterday. thing about growing up is that there are fewer people around you when you cry.
im already working on preventing future pain. i wont be carrying a wallet around me anymore. i have put what little things i have in a food container. its not ideal but until i figure out how to carry cash and card around me without an actual wallet. even looking at it to empty it out was too traumatizing for me. i need some hypnosis or something. im feeling nothing now but what if the hurt comes back this night. i make myself feel great by knowing that people always want what i have. it's true. why did i get mugged? CAUSE PEOPLE FUCKING WANTED WHAT I ALREADY HAVE. THE WORLD IS ENVIOUS OF ME.
lets end this neither on a sad nor upbeat note.
i want to dye my hair. this time im thinking of a fierce colour like red. i want a new bicycle. the world is ending. can someone get me a shuriken? does jiinora marry kai in legend of korra? i need a phone.
sorry guys if im not giving you the best stories to read up. give me some time. i need to heal for a bit. hopefully get back my aegyo character. i cant even remember my personality before yesterday. is this what kim kardashian felt like in paris?

i dont want to feel the pain
send me back in time
when i didnt need to write this rhyme 
in attempt to escape the thunder clouds that rain.

it hurts like a sword my chest
unable to rest
knowing i lost something special
a thing i cared for best

when i leave this world forever
will i be released
from the clutches of regret and hatred for myself
that i cannot tame, cannot cease

people say seize the day 
i agreed when i used to be able to play 
before i went through what some call 'life'
really cant endure any more strife

life is hard 
i always knew
have mercy 
take me home

when you lose something special

hi all on the web! its 3.48 and i feel like i had a close call with death. i feel weak is what im trying to get at. hopefully some of you can related to what i went through or just be inspired.
so it was almost 1pm and cause our car was leaking juice or some dirt we left it in the workshop. we needed to grab lunch so we called for an uber. it came and when we reached the mall, the fare was 3 bucks someone drew out two bucks and i had one buck in my right hand and offered it to the front. in the midst of things someone grabbed the money sticking out of my wallet and just gave it to the driver. a long with that money, my precious 2 ringgit (God, this is really painful to write) went to the driver he even exclaimed how happy he was to see a rare purple dollar.
now a little back story: when i was in primary 3 like 9 years old my best friend Phoebe at that time showed me her purple bill and i was so impressed We challenged each other to see who will one day have more purple bills than the other. i got my dad as my partner and he was really cool cause he came across so many and he would just give them to me. i ended up collecting more with more than a dozen of those things. i remember once in secondary school because i lost touch with Phoebe i thought it would be okay to spend it i spent like 10 of those bills on nice things but i kept 2 for my self and promised to never spend it. even when i changed wallets and purses keep it away just for looking. and today i lost it. i just lost it. i have had it for a decade and i just lost it(kill me now).
i just came out of the uber crying and sobbing over the lost of my bill and over the fact that i was so stupid and cowardly that i couldnt ask for something so special back. i keep replaying the scene in my mind, when the driver asked me for it, he specifically said he wanted the purple 2 dollar. I COULD HAVE SAID NO. WHY DIDNT I SAY NO?! WHY DID MY MAKE MYSELF MISERABLE ON PURPOSE?! it meant so much!!
i was so upset, i threw up, i cried, i became a corpse.
i couldnt eat but my family had to so ended up taking a taxi home myself.
in the taxi i was clearly upset so i hadnt planned on engaging in conversation with the chinese uncle driver. he could tell i was upset so he spoke really gently to me, asking my address and directions really patiently. when we reached my house he asked if i was okay and i explained what happend. he told me he collected them too but he was willing to sell me one of his. i took it!
obviously it was not the same dollar and i will forever hate the uber driver for being so picky about a young chinese girl's money that was mine. then again maybe he's in the millitary or has cancer or is going through something so if i made him happy with a bill that meant so much to me i guess i just need a while to recover.
i guess it was a miracle that i meet a nice chinese uncle driver in the drive home.
i came home, grived and choked a bit.
being me its really hard to have a bit of space to grieve. when the rest came back i was attacked with lectures and the like when clearly i wanted to be left alone even for just a bit. i was told that one day who-and-who might die and i'd have to get over it and that will be harder to get other than the purple bill. that the bill was something insignificant and to get over it. now i was threatened or frightened a lot as a kid with the whole 'you know one day who-and-who will die speech'. it gave me a lot of trauma that i overcame by myself. so now i just shut it out. it took a while but you realise that there is a possibility of you dying before them. sorry about all this talk of dying but you can guess the mood im in. im so dehydrated but i cant even carry myself get a drink.
i guess you cant expect anyone to talk to you gently like the stranger driver. even in sadness, people arent obliged to speak not harshly to you.
im sure i will cross paths with more 2 dollar bills one day. but for now i want to forget everthing that happened. forget my cowardice. forget my hatred. forget my shame. goodbye world.

Being a local tourist in ipoh!

hello everyone!! today i spent my morning in the best way possible! being a tourist in ipoh!! lonely planet actually named ipoh the most habitable city or something of the like and i thought the list was so rigged. anyways heres what we did. we took an uber to Plan B, this hipster brunch spot and from there we walked on the side walk and in between shop houses there are small lanes with murals that you can pose with so that was really fun. theres also many cramped kiosks or like small stalls that sell souvenirs, waayy over priced snacks and weirdly those fidget spinners that are all the rage right now. there's many shop-turn- museum sorta places but we didnt go in. also we did a lot of walking so that was fun. here are a few of the pictures of my fun happy time. 

important detail. in the midst of our walk, we passed a really old house/museum but it was owned by a white guy. said he refurbished everything to look like really authentic old time house. it was really good effort ill tell you that. 

also a side remark. i only want people with good intentions here on my blog. if you have anything against a cute, chinese girl then you may back away quickly before i unleash my wrath.

if you're nice then welcome! have a fun time scrolling through and hope to see you again.

 

dates with sissy

hello everyone! it is 5pm but the sky's dark cause its been thundering for a while. i have been taking care of my new pair of turtles: Lego and Sembo. they are just so adorable to look at and they play well together. i can differentiate them because Lego's shell is a light shade of green and Sembo's is a really dark, almost black coloured shell.
yesterday i had a fun evening made up of a yummy sushi dinner and a movie. sissy and i watched guardians of the galaxy vol.2 and it was the funniest movie ever. also have you seen baby groot!!! he is adorable!!! so small so cute! every time someone was mean to groot i got mad cause he was this special little thing! i havent watched the first guardians but it was easy to follow along and i laughed a lot during the movie, in accordance to my new motto: laugh as much as you can!
i think a lot about my hair lately. it is so pretty but i dont mind making it prettier. so i think, should i dye it, or not. if yes, then what colour. thing is, the main goal for me is to have it grow longer and im not sure if dying it will interfere with the rate of hair growth. also i think, bangs or no bangs? i think bangs are cute but will it look cute on me. my ideal hair for myself is this:

i think its cute and i will try my best to mimic that look. thing is i think i'll try any hair do once. i have only done one part of the extreme which is shaving to almost bald but i havent had really long hair like that before. i wont ever have any preferences or have partial views of long or short hair cause i think both are pretty but i think trying out new things is good for you so i want that 'goddess' style hair.

today i had a date with sissy and i had so much fun!! i really wanna be exactly like my sister one day. i filmed a few musicallys in the car on the way there. we had lunch at nandos and had a rice dish which was so good! then we went on to shop a lot! here's what i got today: i got a shirt on sale at h&m for rm10, some nail polish from sephora for rm18, and a bag at cotton for rm45. now i was thinking about the bag a lot but my current casual going out bag is pretty worn and i needed a new one anyways. 

i have just finished a book: Flawed by cecelia ahern and i honestly wouldnt recommend it. i can sum up the whole story in 2 lines: perfect girl becomes flawed in a crazy universe made of 'perfect' and 'flawed' people. tries to get over it but cant cause of crazy dictator. andddd done there you have it. it's kinda lame but cool if youre into lame stuff. i mean i like all her other books like the book of tomorrow and thanks for the memories but this is a new case.

also i have something to search on my radar: love 020 its a chinese drama with actors from china and i need to see all the episodes with english subtitles. its dinner now. talk later. bye

my hiatus and this new kdrama i just finished

hello everyone online! it's been a while hasnt it? i checked and my last post was 4 months ago but to me it feels like forever. i havent been up to any shenanigans or whatever so life is pretty tame, just how i like it. its hard to believe how much can happen in 4 months. i have a new pet now, his name is Lego, like the building brick game. when i was a kid i had those bricks but they werent lego brand ones but they came in a cute green plastic box with a little yellow handle so you could carry it around like a briefcase. lego is a red ear slider the size of a 50 cent coin and he feeds on commercial turtle food and love. he's so cute but he's been kinda lonely swimming alone so i think i might get him a friend. i actually just got him like last sunday. when i was really young i had pet turtles too but we didnt have them for long. i think i could do a whole post in turtles alone. we eventually released them in the pond at DR park which i dont think exists anymore. the bridge across was already so rickety a decade ago, what would it be like now. i have been feeling okay. i have been positive. i won a crane game on my first try. i have new videos on my youtube channel . click to find it! i made 1.3k fans on musically (@happysu001). i bruised my pinky toe while running in a daze.
theres so much to say but i say we look to the future so you guys can expect more regular posts in the future and i'll try to fit in what happened in this 4 month period.
literally minutes ago i finished a korean drama series called 'Who Are You School'. yes girls, the 'oppas' are all extremely gorgeous! honestly Yook Seungjae from BTOB is my favourite kidol ever!! his hair and his face!! goodness!! also i feel like some snippets of this drama is like directly extracted from my past. like my past is a fossil and they dug into the ground to get it and just gave it a swipe of a brush and made a show. here's what it's about: there's a pair of twins. one was adopted (eun byol) and the other remained in the orphanage(eun bi). only they knew they had a twin and no one else in the world, not even the adoptive mother. eun bi had a tough life like tougher than overcooked squid. she was severely bullied, had no one to turn too, had teachers against her and she had to work to help out in the orphanage. eun byol had everything great. she lived life. one day on eun byol's school trip, she happened to see eun bi. she knew about eun bi's struggles and witnessed her jumping off a bridge in a suicide attempt. she saved her and at the hospital found that she had amnesia that she couldnt remember her own name even. to make it up to her sister she abandoned at 5, she gave her sister her identity, and just made herself vanish off the face of the earth. what she does to eun bi's actually identity is make it seem like her suicide attempt worked so she died. fast forward like 5 drama episodes-equivalent to like 50 days in actual time- she gets her memories back and tells her mom that shes eun bi so the grave that's hers must be eun byol except shes not dead just hiding. the mom asks her to keep living as eun byol and she does. then it just focuses on the regular high school drama. one studied so hard he almost jumped a building in frustration, one wants to model, ones an injured swimmer with no money and one had no friends unless she paid their purchases leading her to steal and one had parents who didnt even want to see him. it shows how though life is. i have been pondering this question lot -why is life so freaking hard?- and i think it was meant to be that i watch this series cause it shows that no matter how tough life is, you can get through it. but again why is it so difficult? why can everyone just dont mistreat anyone so they dont get hurt so they dont go on to lash out on others! why cant anyone just be accepted for just being themselves? im legit curious so if you have like a PhD or something and you happen to be reading a teen's blogpost, leave a scientific explanation why. i liked the ending of the show when eun bi gives a little monologue about being 18(again its perfect cause i happen to be 18 too). she says “Eighteen. It’s too early to realize your dreams, but the perfect age to begin dreaming. Falling down hurts, but it’s the perfect age to learn a hundred ways to get up again.” now this is a great motivational quote. i will be scouring etsy to find a fancy poster of this. but she continues until the last second of the show saying,
''We’re eighteen, so we live every day as if it’s our last—loving and hating fiercely. It’s an age where we falter and get hurt easily, and are hurting more than anyone. Despite that, the reason we can look back on that time and say we were happy is one person’s warm outstretched hand. Not more, not less, but just one person—if we each approach one friend who’s crying and stretch out a hand like this, there’s nothing that I—we—can’t endure. It’s okay. You can hurt. Because you’re eighteen.''
share this with someone you think needs to hear this. i think it's great.
it happens to be 1 am now. goodnight my lovelies.