hello gorgeous people!!
im writing this at 8.46 am with about 4 hours of sleep in my system. i slept for a bit then woke up and had trouble falling back asleep again. i've been having trouble sleeping for the past weeks and today i think i know why.
Earlier on i had thought that i was having too much screen time which is actually not good for assisting with falling asleep. I have been catching up with a lot movies since i just got a Disney+ account. there is much to update on the disney+ news but i think that would require a whole post on its own. coming up soon okay haha!
I have been having a lot of thoughts in my head especially at night when i'm trying to sleep. i mean i get a lot of thoughts too during the day but at least i can come up with an activity to distract me. phases like this happen a lot- when i constantly get overwhelmed by bad memories.
today will be the day i get past that. previously the only way i dealt with the scary thoughts that keep me up was getting distracted. super early this morning around 6am, i thought of dealing with it through prayer. in the past when i would get paralyzed by bad memories, my mom was always close to me and i could just go to her and she would listen to me, hold me and give me the best advice in the world. now due to covid and travel restrictions i havent been able to be with her in more than half a year,
Thankfully, i have the best boyfriend in the world and he is always trying his best to make me feel better and support me and protect me. he sticks by me when i get overwhelmed and i love him so much. at night though, im on my own.
an idea that came to me today was that i can always pray about the bad thoughts, for healing over the bad memories. When painful memories flare up, they need to be healed and when you express that negative thoughts up to the Lord, it might get a little scary because you will think about it and feel all the traumatic emotions up on the surface again. dont be scared and surrender it to Him. I start with apologizing for not listening to His Word and that i need His help to be be more aware of my words actions to make sure i dont repeat any of my past mistakes. Then i pray for healing over the memory. Here was my prayer this morning:
Lord Jesus, I feel so ashamed for not obeying Your Word and I am overwhelmed with so much guilt and I dont know how to deal with it . Lord I ask for Your forgiveness Father. i know it is wrong to gossip and say negative words about people. Lord i know father that I should not have spoken rudely about my ex-manager nor should i have spread gossip about her ,that is not my place to speak about or judge. Father please help me to be more sensitive to Your Holy spirit. Lord help me remove anything in my life that is a barrier for me from listening to Your voice. Lord I need so much of You. Please help me to be more aware that my words and actions carry consequences. Lord I pray that the meditations of my heart and the words from my mouth will be pleasing to You. Lord you are my Rock and my Redeemer. Please forgive me Father. Amen!
my heart is calmer now that i have prayed this. the bad memories are actually from events that happened recently, almost 2 months ago when i befriended a person who was a very negative influence. Praise the Lord that i have cut ties with that toxic person. This is a prayer i found online to break any ties with a bad person:
Heavenly Father, you created us for a relationship. Lord, I meet and interact with different people each day, but not all of them have their hearts in the right place. Some people are agents of the enemy that is why I come to you, Father, asking you to help me discern godly souls from ungodly ones. Lord, I break evil soul ties with agents of the enemy that I have interacted with unknowingly. I renounce every covenant and agreement that I have made with these people, in the name of Jesus. I purify myself with the blood of Jesus and declare that I am completely free. In Jesus’ name, I believe and pray, Amen.
Hope this helps anyone out there! you can find more prayers here!
.
I have matured from the experience. I am thankful to always have my family with me as i learn my way through life. I am Loved.
