so much has been going on lately. i think my last post should be scraped off since i am not actually moving back to ipoh. it took time to realise that i dont actually like ipoh as much as i said i did. the thing is, when i moved back, it occured to me that my life isnt based in ipoh and i have nothing going on for me there. Sure we own a house, but i dont know any people in ipoh. my life's all settled in kampar for now. the first week of my stay in ipoh was so hard on me. im so thankful that my dad was there to help me acclimatize to the new environment in ipoh. happy happy
despite that i found it hard to live in ipoh. other than my dad i had no one around. it was always silent around me and it was so scary staying alone and being left with your own thoughts. in the internship office there was no one to talk to and when i came home the lack of company continued and that loneliness is so emotionally draining. maybe some people will interpret this as me being needy or immature or attention seeking. but theres a reason why people in solitary confinement almost always lose their sanity.
im most thankful for my mantou💓 who was always encouraging me throughout the hardest of days. ill always remember all the things he would say to me when i would call him crying, straight out bawling my eyes out. thank you for all the sacrifices you made me for me bb. and thank you for always prioritizing my happiness.💓
over the weekend i did a lot of thinking and i decided i cant continue with the ipoh move for another 3 months. my spine was killing me from the life i was living in ipoh. i needed to see a doctor so bad and when i did, i got a needle in my ass and was so close to getting admitted to the hospital and getting an MRI. with scoliosis, im not a stranger to getting x rays and being poked and prodded all over but i was hearing of the possibility of doing an mri for the first time. i know people only get it when they have concussions and that sometimes people's teeth fall out after the mri.
i got a doctors letter for my university and a 2 week MC to get off any office work or whatever. also im under so many meds and theyre muscle relaxants so they get me all groggy.
if all my paperwork with the hospital and the uni goes through, i should be out of my internship by this week. so i guess im extending my study. im strangely okay with that fact. a year ago i was obsessed with completing my study on time and i said that by hook or by crook i would never extend my stay in kampar. with me postponing my internship itll take an extra 3 months to graduate and im bummed but i know its not the end of the world. people grow up at different speeds. the 3 years of uni is just a guideline. there are people who have figured out their whole lives by 22, played everything by the book, stayed right on the tracks. like sissy (nerd). but there is no fault in swerving off the course and letting things play out on its own. i remember a rant i posted after my a levels, about how stupid standardized tests are and how we rate our future based off the scored but theyre nothing other than random numbers given by luck and circumstance. i know that regardless how hard it gets, i will graduate. ive always given my best shot and im not going to slow down based on a bad lecturer, or a bad grade or a bad experience. and im not gonna stay bummed about the extra 3 months because what's 3 months more in a uni compared to 30 years youll prolly spend working in the field and whats 5 years of studying compared to 50 years of a fulfilling, content life.
(it's wednesday night now) the sem is gonna start next monday and im just enjoying the last few days of sem break before all the nerding up starts again. i think i'll prolly plan a picnic trip or something fun. the last week really took a toll on me and my skin started acting up. i woke up this morning and there were red patches on my left cheek and that really freaked me out. im happy that i got it checked out and and treated so it's less red now. i have the best chauffeur in the world💓, who took time out of his incredibly busy schedule to bring me to get checked and also driving me around regardless the weather. im the happiest girl. home really is where love is.
